Trojan Horses
Hey Team!
So it’s been a bit since I’ve done a monologue episode - for those of you new to the podcast that are more used to the interview format, that’s not how the show began. It started with me doing episodes like these, where I’m dissecting an idea about how we can really work with our ADHD brains. The plan right now is that I’m going to be sprinkling in a few more of these episodes throughout the year, looking to add them every other Friday opposite the Research Recaps. So let’s get into this first episode back.
In the mythology of the Trojan War, after a 10-year stalemate, the Greeks built a massive, wooden horse and seemingly left it behind as a gift for the Trojans. Hidden inside the horse were Greek soldiers, waiting for the dead of night to creep out, kill the sentries, and open the city gates for the rest of the Greek army, which had quietly sailed back under the cover of darkness.
It’s a story of letting the enemy in the gates. It's about perceiving a threat as something safe and then paying the price.
And I’ve been thinking about how this same story can play out in how we choose to spend our time during the day. What are the things that seem innocuous that are going to throw us off. Sure, checking social media seems like it's going to be a nice little break, and it certainly isn't going to let in a horde of Greeks that will slaughter all of our defenders, but perhaps there are some downsides that we're not thinking about.
And so that’s the idea that we’re going to be exploring in this episode. What are the pitfalls that are not just going to throw us off, but set us off in the wrong direction entirely?
If you'd life to follow along on the show notes page you can find that at HackingYourADHD.com/270
YouTube: https://tinyurl.com/y835cnrk
The idea of a task coming at me like a Trojan Horse came to me a few weeks ago when I was looking at my to-do list and just trying to suss out how I wanted to start my day. And I had the thought, why don't I just play a little Stardew Valley before I get started? Now, for those of you who are unfamiliar, Stardew Valley is a farm simulator video game where you run around planting crops and giving gifts to villagers and generally cosplaying as an extremely productive member of society. You know, hitting all the right dopamine switches at the right time. And my thought here was that I'd play a single in-game day, which is roughly under 15 minutes in real time.
And honestly, taking a 15 minute game break isn't a terrible way to take a break. But I also knew that if I started playing, it wasn't going to be just one day because it never is. That 15 minutes becomes 30 minutes and then 45 minutes, and before I know it, three hours have passed and that little break has consumed the entirety of my morning.
And I think this is a great way to think about these Trojan horse tasks. They aren't tasks that I particularly have to worry about in and of themselves. As I said, a 15 minute break for a video game isn't a huge deal and could even be a fine way to spend a short break, but if my time blindness and my dopamine seeking tendencies are in play, there's no way I'm going to be sticking to playing just 15 minutes.
Often, the real issue here is one of self-regulation. When I'm thinking about starting my day by taking a break, that is a red flag that I should notice. I mean, I work from home and my hours are a bit of a mess at best. So starting off the day with some games isn't entirely unheard of for me. But the real question here is what is driving that urge?
Am I trying to avoid what I'm doing? Do I just feel like I need a push start for my brain to get going? Is it that I have an upcoming meeting that I don't want to start a task that's going to get interrupted on? If I'm in a regulated state and just looking to take a quick break, it probably isn't a problem.
But if I'm not regulated, then it probably means I'm trying to find some way to regulate how I'm feeling. I'm not really looking for a 15 minute break with video games. I'm looking for a way to calm down about something I read on the internet. Or I'm just feeling so exhausted that the idea of getting started seems overwhelming and I can't imagine doing it without a little hit of dopamine first.
But as I said, that 15 minutes isn't going to be just 15 minutes. If I'm not regulated, if I'm looking for regulation, I need to be working on addressing what's actually going on in my head and my body. I need to go for a walk or talk with a friend or maybe have a snack, whatever it is that's going to help me calm down my nervous system.
And of course it could be that I just need that 15 minute video game break, but if I do, I need to make sure I have some sort of accountability to make sure that I'm following through with my intention to make it just a 15 minute break.
Now, there are other ways that we open up the gates for these Trojan horses. An example that recently hit me was trying to find the right thing to watch while I was folding a backlog of towels. I had a substantial amount of laundry to fold and figured I could transition into doing something else afterwards.
But then I ended up spending a good 30 minutes choosing what I was going to watch. Spoilers, it took me less than 30 minutes to fold the substantial amount of towels. I mean, it still probably took about 20 minutes or so, but this changed a 20 minute task into one that took more than double the amount of the time that I originally should have used.
This is often something that can come out when we're trying to optimize our workflow, which while that can be important for getting our work done, it can also be a rabbit hole where instead of settling for something that's good enough, we keep looking well beyond and find ourselves sinking more and more time into finding the perfect option.
So one issue here is the idea of the sunk cost fallacy in which someone is reluctant to abandon their course of action because they have so heavily invested in it, even when it's clear that abandonment would be way more beneficial. We often see this in something like gambling where someone continues to bet more and more to try and win back their losses when it's clear they're just losing more and more money. The idea is you've already put so much in that now, there's no way you're going to stop until you've gotten what you're after. In terms of picking the right TV show earlier, it felt like because I had already spent so much time trying to choose a good show, that meant I shouldn't settle on something that would be mediocre at best. But of course this is also a situation where just looking longer doesn't guarantee that I'm gonna find something better—perhaps at that point, just more palatable. And this is a trap that we can often fall into when we're trying to optimize what we're doing.
It feels like we're being productive when we're getting things done just right, but when it's at the cost of actually doing the thing, it tends to just be procrastination in disguise.
Another way I've seen these Trojan horses in action is when we're being good about what we're doing: everything is getting onto the calendar, every task that comes up is added to the to-do list. Nothing is too big or too small. We're keeping track of everything, and that means we can really start getting efficient with what we're doing because every minute is accounted for.
But what we tend to fail to see here is no matter how detailed we're being, there are things that we're going to miss. When my calendar is jam packed and something comes up, it means now I have to take time to rearrange everything to fit this new thing in.
Maybe it was something I forgot about, or maybe it was something that I couldn't really have predicted. It becomes a game where instead of focusing on the things I need to do, I become focused on how to be productive instead of doing the things. I'm planning how I'm going to be doing the things, and when the time comes to do them, I'm rearranging my calendar because there's too much stuff on there.
Sure, some things are getting done, but stuff is still falling through the cracks when we pack so much stuff into our calendars that we can't handle when things go wrong. We're setting ourselves up for failure, but it isn't just when things go wrong. It's when we're adding too much and not giving ourselves enough time to just be.
And I think what's really important to glean here is how the results of our actions can sometimes fall out of sync with what our goals are. This can also be an issue when we're trying to solve our ADHD problems with neurotypical solutions. So in college I often thought the best way for me to get myself to study was to head to the library study room and lock myself inside until I got my work done.
Was it effective? No. Did I at least get my work done also? No. At least was I having a good time again? No. Nonetheless, I did think this was how I was supposed to get things done, and so that's the strategy I went with. Despite the results, I assumed that eventually things would just click for me and that I was kind of just a bad student and this is how things went for bad students.
There are countless ways that we get focused on doing what we think we should be doing instead of focusing on what is going to get us results. It might be how you're trying to set up your morning routine, or you're buying something in bulk that you're gonna forget about before it goes bad, or you're giving something a soft deadline so it feels like it's never due. In the introduction to the podcast, I say the tools, tactics, and best practices to help you work with your ADHD brain. And that last part is really crucial. We're looking to work with our brains, not against them.
And so I do want to temper some of this episode with the fact that one of the ways that these Trojan horses are different from the myth is that we're not dealing with invaders, we're dealing with ourselves. We shouldn't be thinking of ourselves or our ADHD as the enemy. Instead, we want to be looking for ways that we can work with our ADHD to avoid these Trojan horses, and that is something that's going to take work and something where we have to be really kind to ourselves as we work through it.
This Episode's Top Tips
A Trojan Horse task is a task where you are sabotaging yourself without realizing it. They are things that on the outside appear to be innocuous but instead being a 15 minute break they end up as something that derails your entire day.
Watch out for optimization procrastination, where you are trying to get things "just right" before starting. If the preparation takes longer than the task itself, recognize that it could be procrastination in disguise. At that point, it’s okay to give yourself permission to settle for "mediocre" or "good enough” so that you can just get started.
Your ADHD is not the enemy here, even though it may feel like it’s always the one letting the Greeks in the gate when a shiny new Trojan Horse shows up. Remember, we want to work with our ADHD, not against it. Help yourself out by identifying those Trojan Horses and figuring out ways to avoid them.