The Creative Path to Finding Your Authentic Self with Jacob Nordby
Today I’m talking with Jacob Nordby—author, creative mentor, and founder of the Institute for Creative Living. Jacob’s work blends personal development, creativity, and storytelling to help people live more aligned and authentic lives.
In our conversation, we talk about his late ADHD diagnosis and how that shaped his journey to finding his authentic self. We explore the challenges of masking, the struggle of figuring out who you really are after years of trying to fit in, and how journaling, self-discovery tools, and embracing curiosity can help peel back those layers. We also dive into what it means to live authentically with ADHD and the ways masking can drain us.
Start Freedom today! Use code ADHD40 to get them 40% off a Freedom Yearly premium subscription!
Listen to the Climbing the Walls podcast here!
William Curb: Welcome to Hacking Your ADHD. I'm your host, William Curb, and I have ADHD. On this podcast, I dig into the tools, tactics, and best practices to help you work with your ADHD brain. Hey team, today I'm talking with Jacob Nordby, author, creative mentor, and founder of the Institute for Creative Living. Jacob's work blends personal development, creativity, and storytelling to help people live more aligned and authentic lives. In our conversation today, we talked about his late ADHD diagnosis and how that shaped his journey to finding his authentic self.
We explore the challenges of masking, the struggle of figuring out who you really are after years of trying to fit in, and how journaling, self-discovery tools, and embracing curiosity can help peel back those layers. We also dive into what it means to live authentically with ADHD and the ways masking can drain us. If you'd like to follow along on the show notes page, you can find that at hackingyouradhd.com/223.
This episode is brought to you by Freedom, but I'm not talking about the concept of Freedom here. I'm talking about the Freedom app, used by over 3 million people around the world to stay focused and productive. Freedom.to, an app I've relied on for over a decade to tackle internet distractions head on. As an app featured in Apple's app store as an editor's choice for top apps to support those with ADHD, this one really hits the mark. We've all found ourselves scrolling the web when we know we should be doing something else, be it social media, YouTube, or shopping.
The distractions on the internet are endless, and with my impulse of ADHD habits, sometimes those sites get opened before I'm even thinking about it. That's where Freedom steps in. With just a few clicks, I can block distracting websites and apps across all my devices, ensuring that my focus stays on what I really want it to. Whether I'm working on a new podcast episode or deep diving into research, Freedom's comprehensive blocking capabilities let me tailor what I'm focused on. So if you're looking to take control of your focus and boost your productivity, give Freedom a try.
It's always available for free with basic features, but also has a premium subscription option which unlocks more advanced features like scheduling, locked mode, and unlimited sessions. Freedom is more than just an app. It's your partner in paving the way to a more focused and fulfilling work life. Check it out at freedom.to and discover what you can achieve when you truly have the freedom to focus. If that sounds like something you're interested in, you can use code ADHD40 at checkout to get 40% off a Freedom yearly premium subscription. That site again is freedom.to with code ADHD40 for 40% off. This episode is brought to you by understood.org. So I want to tell you about another podcast I think you would really like.
It's called Climbing the Walls. It's a six-part series that investigates why women with ADHD have gone under-diagnosed for so long and how that changed dramatically during the pandemic with the diagnosis of ADHD and women skyrocketed. I've listened to the first five episodes and I'm itching to hear the six one once that comes out. This series has been a ton of fun to listen to as host Daniel Elliott explores these questions around women and ADHD and how the picture that's been painted around this topic so far isn't quite what it seems. The show asks why women, why now and how under-diagnosis has impacted women's mental health.
As I've listened to this series, it's also gone beyond those questions and is really digging into what's going on with women and ADHD. This series has gotten me thinking about how these topics are currently being handled and even how I might want to address them on my podcast in the future. It's a fun listen and if you enjoy investigative type podcasts, definitely check this one out. To listen to climbing the walls, search for climbing the walls in your podcast app. That's climbing the walls.This episode is brought to you by Freedom, but I'm not talking about the concept of Freedom here. I'm talking about the Freedom app, used by over 3 million people around the world to stay focused and productive. Freedom.to, an app I've relied on for over a decade to tackle internet distractions head on. As an app featured in Apple's app store as an editor's choice for top apps to support those with ADHD, this one really hits the mark. We've all found ourselves scrolling the web when we know we should be doing something else, be it social media, YouTube, or shopping.
The distractions on the internet are endless, and with my impulse of ADHD habits, sometimes those sites get opened before I'm even thinking about it. That's where Freedom steps in. With just a few clicks, I can block distracting websites and apps across all my devices, ensuring that my focus stays on what I really want it to. Whether I'm working on a new podcast episode or deep diving into research, Freedom's comprehensive blocking capabilities let me tailor what I'm focused on. So if you're looking to take control of your focus and boost your productivity, give Freedom a try.
It's always available for free with basic features, but also has a premium subscription option which unlocks more advanced features like scheduling, locked mode, and unlimited sessions. Freedom is more than just an app. It's your partner in paving the way to a more focused and fulfilling work life. Check it out at freedom.to and discover what you can achieve when you truly have the freedom to focus. If that sounds like something you're interested in, you can use code ADHD40 at checkout to get 40% off a Freedom yearly premium subscription. That site again is freedom.to with code ADHD40 for 40% off. This episode is brought to you by understood.org. So I want to tell you about another podcast I think you would really like.
It's called Climbing the Walls. It's a six-part series that investigates why women with ADHD have gone under-diagnosed for so long and how that changed dramatically during the pandemic with the diagnosis of ADHD and women skyrocketed. I've listened to the first five episodes and I'm itching to hear the six one once that comes out. This series has been a ton of fun to listen to as host Daniel Elliott explores these questions around women and ADHD and how the picture that's been painted around this topic so far isn't quite what it seems. The show asks why women, why now and how under-diagnosis has impacted women's mental health.
As I've listened to this series, it's also gone beyond those questions and is really digging into what's going on with women and ADHD. This series has gotten me thinking about how these topics are currently being handled and even how I might want to address them on my podcast in the future. It's a fun listen and if you enjoy investigative type podcasts, definitely check this one out. To listen to climbing the walls, search for climbing the walls in your podcast app. That's climbing the walls.
Alright, keep on listening to find out how you can find your creative path. A really great place to start would be discussing a little bit about your ADHD journey and how that kind of shaped this feeling of needing to find the authentic self.
Jacob Nordby: You know, it's interesting, William. I didn't come to this until, I don't know, just a few years ago. I was aware of ADHD and became increasingly aware of it. My mother's a counselor. She became a therapist later in life after she was 60. She sent me this battery of questions, which were an official ADHD diagnosis tool. I took it and I came back to her and to the rest of the family and said, hey, I think I have a ADHD. Everyone looked at me like, oh, that's news to you? So it was funny for me.
William Curb: I feel like a lot of people, they're like, yeah, isn't this how everyone thinks? And then they're like, people are like, no, we could tell. And you're just like, I thought I was normal.
Jacob Nordby: Yeah, yeah.
William Curb: If not normal, I was, what I find for a lot of people is they go, well, they don't may not feel normal. They feel like they're just not as good at controlling their own self as other people are. And so they're like, oh, oh, it's not that I'm fundamentally broken inside. There's something else going on.
Jacob Nordby: Yeah. Just out of curiosity, I realize we're talking about my journey, but how did you come to that?
William Curb: So I have three siblings that were diagnosed with ADHD. And it was after college, I was like, oh, I remember hearing that this is kind of a genetic thing. Maybe I'll go get that checked out. And so I went through my insurance and did all the tests and stuff. And they're like, yeah, that's kind of things go. And I'm like, and it was definitely that, oh, this isn't how everyone else thinks. And I was just so used to having other neurodivergent folk around me that I was just kind of like, oh, yeah, this is how you are. And then whenever I meet someone that is very clearly neurotypical, I'm like, oh, I can see it now.
This is, this is what's going on. Yeah, for me, it was just a lot of like, oh, I just going to go do this thing. But I also grew up, I know your thing says you're dyslexic and I grew up knowing I was dyslexic, but not having the other side of the ADHD diagnosis since they're very highly co-morbid. But so I would grow up with like, oh, I'm dyslexic and that's how my brain is different. And then it was kind of just easy to be like, oh, it's just this other part of it too.
Jacob Nordby: I would find myself in meetings a lot and or in just conversation. And I came up with this phrase, William, that was crashing segue alert. I didn't realize. Again, I didn't realize that not everyone experienced consciousness this way, but I would find myself just all of a sudden like skipping a track and people would go, wait, wait, how did we get from here to that? And I would go, so eventually I would sort of build in that accommodation, go, okay, I'm getting ready to make a big change in the conversation now. And it was helpful, but I didn't realize, yeah, I started doing that years and years ago when I eventually came to having a diagnosis. It was like, oh my God, okay, now, now I understand what's going on. My brain actually wants to just make these big jumps at times.
William Curb: I remember having conversations with my older sister where we'd be talking about one thing and then like that conversation would peter off and then we'd be talking about something else and then she just jumped right back in with where that other conversation had ended. And I'd pick it up because I'm like, oh, yeah, I remember that we were talking about that two hours ago and we'd just be going and then we like at some point we're like, oh, that's a weird way to hold conversations. You don't just jump back to something two hours ago. It's like, oh, yeah, there's this other thing that you should know about for this.
Jacob Nordby: And start just like everyone would know that that's what we're going to be doing right now.
William Curb: Well, because yeah, you do it with other people and they're like, what do you mean? Oh, yeah, you remember this thing we were talking about hours ago and they're like, yeah, you should have led with that.
Jacob Nordby: Should have led with that. What have you discovered as being some of the superpowers of having this kind of a framework?
William Curb: I do try to stay away from the word superpowers, but I do find there are things that I do very differently, like finding connections between things. And so part of the like amazing thing with my age, he's like, I'm interested in so many things. And then I'm really good at connecting them to being like, oh, take these two disparate ideas and take pieces of them and I can get something new that works better is cool. I do a lot of tinkering and that kind of stuff like I'm just been helping my daughter with science fair projects and stuff and being like, oh, yeah, you should pull in this other idea to help with this flower watering system.
And she's like, oh, yeah, and we'll just start working on that and be like, oh, we can just combine these ideas and see these connections that seem very obvious to us. But often people are like, where did you get that connection? I'm like, well, look at these two things, even though they're completely different ideas, these two pieces fit together perfectly.
Jacob Nordby: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, well, just out of curiosity, why do you avoid superpowers, the word?
William Curb: I avoid it because for a lot of people, it undercuts their struggles. And for a lot of people, the way that they find these advantages is because they're not having to always deal with the struggles of ADHD. So if you have a really strong support system or you just have people that are like taking care of certain things for you, it's like, oh, yeah, I can really thrive with my ADHD because I'm not having to plan all the meals. I'm not having to deal with all the minutia that goes on with life and then finding myself dragged down by my ADHD.
Jacob Nordby: That makes sense. Sure.
William Curb: And so I know a lot of women with ADHD feel this way where they're just like, yeah, I don't have someone in my life that's they're like, I'm the family manager and there's no one backing me up. And so ADHD is just this curse for me. And I'm like, yeah, I get that. So I try to stay away from superpowers just because while you can thrive with ADHD, you just need the right support systems for it.
Jacob Nordby: Yeah, I appreciate that. I'm glad I asked. I think it's a really good way to look at it.
William Curb: Yeah, I do also try to stay away from like, it's just a curse and everything's awful. Because I'm like, I always try to think about how can I work with my ADHD to get to where I want to go? Like it wants to do its own thing and I want to do my own thing. How can we kind bring those two ideas closer together so that we're both kind of happy? So, you know, this is, you know, doing the things with like, oh, making tasks more interesting and making it so that I can do the boring stuff and feel good about it.
Jacob Nordby: Yeah, I really like that. You know, it's interesting. My father was never diagnosed, but almost certainly ADHD. And my mother also clearly is, my father died about 13, 14 years ago. But I used to observe him, William, in he was a really fine carpenter and did beautiful like finish work and things like that. But he had a really hard time like going and being on that job for a whole day. So he might go and work for a couple hours and then he would, you know, go to the hardware store to pick up more stuff or whatever. And sometimes he wouldn't come back. And so I witnessed that pretty much all of my growing up life, you know, and we didn't know what to call it.
We didn't have, there was no way to really describe what was going on back then. In my own life, I've noticed that, you know, kind of work I do as a writer and other things I produce, I've actually noticed how similarly I operate where sometimes I'll find myself going to a coffee shop first thing in the morning, working for a couple of hours, and then I'll need to bounce to some, somewhere else, some other venue. And before I had the ADHD diagnosis, I really wasn't sure what was going on.
Eventually I began to realize, oh, I'm actually working with, to your point about like knowing how to accommodate it. I'm actually working with the way my brain works. And you mentioned earlier about watching neurotypical people like, oh my God, now I understand. So I've watched people who were perfectly comfortable sitting in one place for a whole day and I began to realize, oh yeah, I just, that doesn't work for me.
William Curb: Yeah, I remember sitting down to like do some work with a friend and he just sat there and he just was like typing on his computer for like four hours straight. And I'm just like, what are you doing? How are you doing this? He's like, like, yeah, I just went through and did all the emails and then I did this and I did this and this and like, that does not jive with my brain in any way.
And it's one of those things where you go, when you don't have the diagnosis, you're like, why can't I just sit here and do this? I see other people doing it, but it's great that you were just sitting there being like, well, I'm just going to sit here until I write. I've done that one and it usually does not work.
Jacob Nordby: Yeah. No, and it's interesting, there are times now where having this understanding or growing understanding, I don't claim to understand the whole thing completely at all, but it does help me sometimes take the part of myself that feels so restless and go, come here, buddy, we got this, you know, take a breath. Okay, now we can move through this next several minutes, get to the thing, whatever it might be.
So that sort of development of awareness can be useful over time, but more of the time I find myself just knowing that, okay, if I'm having a hard time concentrating right now, what I need to do is get up and move around, change venue, do whatever I need to do, because that will actually allow me to move more effortlessly back into what I want to accomplish.
William Curb: Yeah, and especially with this trying to like spawn this creative ideas, like it's one thing with I'm trying to like get myself to like work through a boring task, like filling out a spreadsheet or something like that can be like, okay, well, I'm just going to like carrot or stick it, you know, like if I don't do this in the next 20 minutes, and I won't get to do something else, or if I do do it, I can get a treat or whatever I need to do. But with if I'm like, oh, I need to write this idea down and like bring it to life, that's really hard to do with that kind of like, oh, just do it. Do you have any techniques that you do for helping to like, maybe not force creativity, but like bring it forward?
Jacob Nordby: I use journaling every day, that's part of what I do. And you know, I have this little process that asks three questions. Actually, I'll go ahead and tell you about them right now, william. Oh, the first question is, how do I feel right now? Second question is, what do I need right now? And the third question is, what would I love to create? Or when I'm going through turbulent emotional waters or something, I'll often change that third question a bit to how would I love to feel right now? And one thing, just going back through them, the first one, how do I feel right now? Many of us are, have internalized these ideas from early childhood that how I feel doesn't matter, you know, what's going on inside of me, doesn't matter.
And a lot of us tend to be disassociated a lot of the time. So I find that asking that question and answering it on paper, how do I feel right now? It tends to bring you back into my body. It tends to reconnect me with what's really going on inside of my body, my life, my mind. And just writing it down will sometimes help, not immediately and completely, but often it will help bring the chatter down inside. The second question, what do I need right now? Again, many of us internalize at an early age, your needs don't matter. And so when I ask myself that question, often I will come back with something very kind of mundane such as I need to pee, I need to drink a water, I need a nap, whatever it might be.
And even paying attention to that introception, the signals coming from my body, that act alone sometimes serves to wake up the part inside that says, you weren't going to pay attention to me anyway. And so when I, when I notice myself paying attention to myself, the rest of me wakes up and says, thank you. And then that third question does help me then sort of engage with what is it that I'm trying to create today? How would I love to feel? How can I create more of that? So that's one of the main things that I do.
William Curb: Yeah, I think that's a great place to like shift into because I mean, the question sounds incredibly great for building mindfulness because just how do I feel? And thinking about without that prompt, how often I actually consider that? You mean, you were just talking about like the introception where you're like, yeah, I don't have a good sense of my body if I'm not trying to focus on how my body is feeling, unless there is something drastically wrong, like I haven't eaten for hours or I'm super thirsty, I've twisted my ankle or something. Then my body's like, you really got to pay attention to this, don't ignore it. But most of the time I'm kind of like, oh, yeah, I should probably eat. It's been a while.
Jacob Nordby: Right.
William Curb: And yeah, and it feels like, yeah, though, what do I need can feel very mundane. It's like, oh, yeah, I need to have some water. I'm thirsty or I need to go to the bathroom or whatever it is. My favorite here I'm thinking of is like when I'm like, been sitting in a chair in a weird way for a couple hours and then I'm like, oh, I really need to change positions because this is painful now. What I need to do is just not sit weird.
Jacob Nordby: Yeah, not sit weird. No, exactly. Yeah, I think the introception part is interesting just because again, I was unaware that a lot of people have a better connection to that than I did, and sometimes still do. So it's, yeah, just, but I feel like also our society in general is the environment of it is often we start to disassociate.
William Curb: We have so much stuff that's designed to help us numb and disengage from our environment and what feelings like, oh, yeah, and we'd be like, oh, yeah, you're just going to binge Netflix for hours or doom scrolling or whatever it is. And it's like, oh, yeah, this is specifically designed to make me not check in with how I'm feeling because sometimes there's a lot going on and I don't want to feel.
Jacob Nordby: Isn't that that you're right? Exactly. Yeah.
William Curb: And I'm like, well, you know, and the thing is, it's also very like this temporary relief that doesn't really help. There are times when I'm like, yeah, I need to slow down and just kind of disassociate for a while. And then that band aid helped me get to where I need to be. But a lot of times people are just like, I don't want to deal with it. And so I'm not going to.
Jacob Nordby: Right. Yeah, I'm glad you brought that up because, you know, sometimes we think of numbing or we tend to shame ourselves, I think, for behaviors that we would call, well, I'm just trying to numb out right now. The more that I learn about the poly-vagal curve and what's going on in our nervous systems and our brains, William, the more I become aware that there are things that I've needed in my life at times to bring the levels of anxiety down or to, you know, just settle a little closer to that ventral vagal state, you know, where I'm feeling safe and okay. And there were times in my life that I would shame myself like I'm being lazy right now.
I'm not doing what I know I need to be doing. When I talk to a psychologist and another natural healer who does a lot of like massage and stuff and is really smart with all of this, she said, you don't understand what active resting is. And I'm like, I mean, I've heard the term. She's like, yeah, exactly. She said, sometimes what I'll prescribe for you is to pull the blackout shades and have a pajama day, like literally cut down a lot of the that because that will help reset you.
And she's like, yeah, and maybe you're going to be watching Netflix during that day or reading a book or something. The more that you can extract the idea that I'm doing something shameful, I should be doing something productive, whatever we call that. She's like, that will actually help your mind and body shift into a state where it can receive what it needs from that period of rest rather than sit there and actually create more anxiety because you're shaming yourself, you know?
William Curb: Again, it's this our interception works so bad at understanding what we're feeling and then dealing with what we need to do. And so we're like, oh, I'm just lazy and I'm just going to push through. And then this is how so many people hit burnout because they're just like, there was too much and I, my body was just, I'm you're done.
You're cut off. And that's not a great place to get to because that's not like, it's like you're borrowing so many resources from your future self that you just are paying so much interest on that this is one of the things I, people talk about the, it's the superpower idea is hyper focus. And I'm always like, I do love that creative flow that I can get into. But I always know if I'm going into it for too long, I am just pulling from the, from tomorrow and the rest of the week. And then I'm going to have these days where I'm just like, wow, I can't do anything now.
Jacob Nordby: That's so well said, borrowing from the future self. My God, I've done that in my life a number of times, a lot of times.
William Curb: Yeah. It's like, I'm like, oh, I really need to finish this thing up. And I'm like, just dive in and then I'm like, the rest of the week, I'm like, why can't I do anything? It's like, oh, because I was doing that other thing that really needed a lot of effort and I only have so much to give.
Jacob Nordby: Right. No, that's yeah. I think even being aware of that, you know, much, so much of this William for me, and I'm loving hearing your side of this as well. So much of this for me has just been a better understanding. And once I understand it better, it becomes less of a, I wouldn't say it's a completely struggle free, of course, but it becomes less of a struggle. It's like, oh, this is what's going on right now. So I can, I can do what's needed now rather than just, as you said before, just push through or do whatever, you know, it's like, at a certain point, that is going to cost way more than it's worth.
William Curb: Yeah, absolutely. And it's, I mean, it is great with ADHD. It is one of the few like mental health conditions where the more you know, the more you can do about it and you can pull away from the like shame of, oh, I can't do this to like, when I'm like, man, I'm having a lot of trouble with this, why can't I do this thing? And then I go, oh, I have ADHD, that's why I can't do just do this thing. Okay, what can I do to help me work with my ADHD so I can try and get this thing done, even if I don't really want to do it, but it needs to get done.
And this is also, I think a good way we can place, we can segway to this idea of the authentic self that it's in a lot of your work, because one of the things with ADHD is like, so many people have this mask that they put on to try and fit in. And that can make it even harder to deal with your ADHD when you're just always pretending that you don't have it. And living as your authentic self, I find is something that a lot of people with ADHD struggle with.
Jacob Nordby: I would love to hear a little more about that struggle. Clearly, I agree. But I would just love to hear how would you describe that struggle of living kind of outside or from a different place from what feels like really solid and true?
William Curb: Well, it's this dampening down of who I want to be and trying to look at someone else and be like, how do they want me to be? And then inevitably getting that wrong. But so I'm not being who they want me to be, because I'm just being probably some weird quiet person. And then I'm not being who I want to be. And it's taking all this extra effort to like, try and contain myself and making no one really happy, but maybe making it so that I fit in better for the situation.
Because I can have a lot of being like weird thoughts going through my head. And I'm like, yeah, that's, I don't always need to have inside thoughts be out that's something that everyone needs to learn. But it is also allowing myself to not just, I guess what I'm thinking here is go into a social situation and I try and be someone else. And then when I'm done, I don't feel good about that social situation. I feel, I was like, well, that wasn't fun for me.
And anyway, I was just faking it the whole time. And a lot of people I talked to with ADHD described themselves as introverts. But I think a lot of that comes from this idea. So with extroversion, introversion, extroverts get a lot of their energy from being around other people. Introverts can get a lot of bright rejuvenation for being by themselves.
But a lot of ADHD people who are masking will go into these situations and be like, wow, I feel awful after that because I was never myself the entire time. And so they don't actually get this rejuvenation. And so they're like, yeah, I'm introverted and they're not really recharging it. You get the these people like, I'm at an introverted extrovert. And I'm like, I think you're just masking the entire time when you're going out with other people.
Jacob Nordby: Wow, it's interesting you say that just that, yes. And again, I'm going to borrow your earlier phrase of borrowing from our future self, you know, there's this sense of I can't really just be okay here in this, in this way. Or I don't know how to without sounding, you know, just fucked up to the people around me.
I don't know how to express, hey, this, this level of so many conversations at once that I was, I'm thinking about a birthday party I attended recently, where I had that experience of realizing, oh my God, this is going to cost me way too much to stay here and actually, you know, gave hugs and best wishes and actually left very, very early William because I just was like, okay, this is going to cost me too much. I'm grateful that I have more of that awareness now because, you know, my younger self absolutely wouldn't have done that. I would have stayed there, I would have put on the mask, and then I would have been completely wiped out the next day.
William Curb: Yeah, I definitely know doing like kids birthday parties and I'm like talking to the other parents, I'm like, don't be weird to the other parents. Let my kids do what they want to do and just, just try and be palatable to the people that, and it's funny too, because I like when I think I'm like, man, that's generally not how I think about other people too. I just so have such this harsh judgment on myself of like what I need to be.
Jacob Nordby: Yeah, yes, I can relate to that very much.
William Curb: Yeah, whereas like, yeah, that's not how I think about other people and I'm not being a person that they want to hang around with anyways because I'm not being authentic or being somewhat like, because often, yeah, the mask is this blanking of myself rather than pretending to be someone else. I'm just kind of dampening who I am and then that's not something that, you know, if anytime you've hung out with someone that's just like non-reactive, you're like, well, I guess they don't really want to hang out with me.
And then what am I losing? This is something I've talked to without being therapist about with like social anxiety things and all that. I'm like, what am I losing by being myself if they don't like me? If the blank version is also someone they don't like, the only person that this is really hurting is me.
Jacob Nordby: Truly. I feel like you asked a question. Maybe we're just exploring this thing of masking and the difficulty in finding the authentic self, William, but you know, one thing that has been this growing conviction of mine is that there's this process and it's, you know, I'm never interested in a tidy little three steps to this or that, but I will say that I've noticed a process and a lot of this has been just observing myself as I've come a little bit more into feeling okay in life. But there's this step and many people skip over this, but it's self-discovery.
Who am I? And part of self-discovery is also finding out who we are in all the ways, not just the positive sense of, yes, this is who I want to be. It's like, no, who really am I and what accommodations do I need? So that process of self-discovery can be such a relief. What it leads to then is this sense of curiosity about this inner creature that I know that I wasn't aware of it at the time, but I know that the subconscious reason I wrote, "blesses are the weird" back in the day, was partly that or largely that.
I just felt so other in life. I didn't know how to fit in and I was exhausted. I had become exhausted by trying to, by masking essentially. But the more that I went through that experience and then that led to meeting so many amazing people, most of whom are neuro a-typical, neurodiverse, and that led to a lot more study. And so the more that I was engaged in that process, the more I began to accept that, oh, who I really am is, is okay. Yeah, I have these tweaks and quirks. But what that leads to then, as I see it William, is it leads to self-expression. It leads to genuine self-expression.
Once we know who we are more, and that is a forever sort of experience, the more we learn this is who I am, the more I learn that that's acceptable. I can actually fall in love with that person, just like I would with someone else who I found fascinating or curious in some ways, but they had these interesting quirks. Self-expression to me then becomes much more natural. It becomes like breathing. So to me, that's, there's that process of like, oh, let me find out who this creature is. Let me find out that person. And then the more I do, it's sort of natural to begin to fall in love with or at least become much more curious about it.
William Curb: Yeah, that sounds great. And it's also making me think, I know a lot of people have talked about like they've been masking for so long, they don't know who they are anymore. And I've definitely felt that way before where I'm just like, who am I if I'm not this person that's just existing? And being like, can I find a deeper way to unmask so that I'm not masking even to myself? You talked about journaling. Does that kind of your main focus for on how to work on finding that unmask self?
Jacob Nordby: It's one I can use constantly. You know, I do it daily. But I'm a huge fan of self-discovery personality assessments. So I love, I just sort of fell in love with like Myers-Briggs and Enneagram and StrengthsFinder is another, you know, there are a number of other ones I was just thinking of. But yeah, I love, I love the process of going, okay, who, who is inside of there? And so I've done, I've gone through so many of these things. I think that could be really helpful.
And I think that anyone listening, you know, who maybe wonders if they're neurodiverse, if, you know, just beginning to go through the process of taking some of those assessments, it can become this really gentle mirror that reflects, oh, oh, that's who you are, you know. And so yeah, I don't have, I wouldn't say I have this like really formulaic process, but I think just the practice of saying, of sending ourselves that message, I matter. This is who I am, I matter. It creates an opening of a safe space inside, I feel that allows for more exploration, whereas before there was just often avoidance.
William Curb: And one of the things I'm like, oh yeah, also really important to mention to people when going through this process to try and do it in a non-judgemental fashion, because I know there have been points in my life where I have had the voice in my head being incredibly negative and self-destructive. And that would not be a helpful voice to help guide me along with this process where it's just like, yeah, who am I? Oh, you are worthless trash. No, that's not something that I need to do here.
Jacob Nordby: Right.
William Curb: I mean, I think that's one of the advantages of going through these like Myers-Briggs or Strength Finders or whatever is that it's not just the, it's asking questions that are point of like, well, how would you approach these situations and then in like, this is kind of what we see from that information? Because then it's not just me in the voice.
Jacob Nordby: Yeah, I think a lot of people resist labels. Like, I don't want this label. Like, I was perfectly fine. However, being willing to look in a mirror, whether it's an ADHD assessment or adverse childhood experiences assessment or, you know, Myers-Briggs or something, it just creates the space of curiosity. And so even if you're like, I don't want to be called an INFJ or whatever it might be, it's still even the process of answering a battery of questions will often open up this process that says, oh, interesting. Well, let me find out more of who I am, even if I don't want to stick a label on it.
William Curb: Yeah. Well, and I find the problem was saying, I don't want to label is that you're going to have a label anyways. It's just whether or not you get to have a label that's accurate or one that's like, like, oh, I don't want to label my kid as ADHD. It's like, if you don't, your kid's going to get labels as lazy and not reaching their potential. And those are much worse labels and inaccurate.
And so I find like, yeah, go might not like labels, but we that's how we kind of do things in life as we like to categorize and put things into buckets. And if we can be more accurate with it, it's often much more friendly to ourselves. And if it's not, if we're like, oh, I do not like this label that is put on me, can I do something about that? So there are any other places you want to explore before we start wrapping things up?
Jacob Nordby: I feel pretty comfortable with where we are, actually. I so appreciate spending time with you, William. This has been really interesting.
William Curb: Yeah, I've had a great time talking if people want to find out more about your work, where should they go?
Jacob Nordby: You know, I would recommend my website, jacobnordby.com. If they want to download that free journaling program I mentioned earlier, I have a little audio that goes along with it, they can go to creativeselfjournal.com. And it's totally free. Yeah, those are probably the two best places to start with.
William Curb: Great. And I will have links to both of those on the show notes so that people can easily find those. So thank you so much for coming on the show. It's a great time talking with you.
Jacob Nordby: You too. Thanks very much, William. I love what you're doing.
William Curb: Thanks again to Jacob for coming on the show and thank you for sticking with us all the way to the end. Before you go though, let's do a quick rundown of today's top tips. One, use daily journaling with intentional prompts. Jacob recommends asking, how do I feel right now? What do I need right now?
And what would I love to create to reconnect with your emotions, needs, and creative energy? Two, try and frame rest as active recovery. Instead of shaming yourself for downtime, recognize that pulling back sensory inputs can be a crucial nervous system reset. Three, practice nonjudgmental self discovery.
Approach your exploration of who you are with curiosity instead of criticism, creating a safer internal space for growth. All right, that's it. Thanks for listening.
I'd love to hear what you thought of this episode. Feel free to connect with me over at hackingyouradhd.com slash contact. Or you can also find me on blue sky at hackingyouradhd. If you'd like links or to read this episode's transcript, you can go to the show notes page at hackingyouradhd.com slash 223. If you'd like even more hackingyouradhd, be sure to sign up for my newsletter, any and all distractions, which comes out every other week.
In it, I give my best distractions of the week, be they what I'm reading, what I'm playing or what I'm watching. I also try to give a few tidbits of actionable advice in each newsletter, although your mileage is going to vary there. If that sounds like something you're interested in, head over to hackingyouradhd.com slash newsletter to sign up. I also wanted to let you know about the hackingyouradhd Patreon that you can easily find at hackingyouradhd.com slash Patreon.
I'm going with a pay what you want model, meaning that all levels of the Patreon receive all the same stuff. You can pay $0 or $2 or $10. It's all the same. The only real difference coming from the roles that are assigned on the hackingyouradhd discord, which reminds me, I should also mention the hackingyouradhd discord, which you can get access to from the Patreon, which again is a pay what you want model. So if either of those things sounds like something you'd be interested in, head over to hackingyouradhd.com slash Patreon to get yourself some access.
And also don't forget to subscribe to our YouTube channel, which you can find at youtube.com slash ad hackingyouradhd. And finally, if you'd like to support the show, the best way to do so is to tell someone about the show, especially if you think a particular episode would resonate with them. Just click the share button on your podcast player.
I'd also like to remind you that this episode was brought to you by Freedom. This is the kind of partnership that has always made sense to me because the best partners come from products that I've already been using for years, products that I trust. And while there are a lot of apps out there that can help block out distraction on the web, Freedom has always been hands down the best one I've ever used. And it's the reason I bought a lifetime membership already. That's right, they can't even tempt me with free premium because I'm already a lifetime member.
With just a few clicks, I can block distracting websites and apps across all my devices, ensuring that my focus stays on what I really want to. Whether I'm working on a new podcast episode or deep diving into research, Freedom's comprehensive blocking capabilities, let me tailor what I'm focused on. It's one of those tools that I can set and well, not exactly forget because when I try and log on to one of those blocked websites like Blue Sky or Reddit, the site will be blocked and I'll get the message, you're free, enjoy this moment. Which is a great reminder because generally my initial reaction is, ugh, but I was trying to procrastinate.
But because those distractions are blocked, I get to move on and follow through with what I was actually intending on doing. Freedom is available for free with basic features but also has a premium subscription option which unlocks more advanced features like scheduling, locked mode and unlimited sessions. If that sounds like something you're interested in, you can use code 80HD40 at checkout to get 40% off a Freedom yearly premium subscription, but feel free to try out the basic version first. So go check it out at freedom.to and discover what you can achieve when you truly have the freedom to focus. That site again is freedom.to code 80HD40.
And now for your moment of dad. What sound does a witch's car make? Broom, broom!
This Episode's Top Tips
Use daily journaling with intentional prompts—Jacob recommends asking “How do I feel right now?”, “What do I need right now?”, and “What would I love to create?” to reconnect with your emotions, needs, and creative energy.
Frame “rest” as active recovery—Instead of shaming yourself for downtime, recognize that pulling back sensory input (like a “pajama day” with blackout curtains) can be a crucial nervous system reset.
Practice nonjudgmental self-discovery—Approach your exploration of who you are with curiosity instead of criticism, creating a safer internal space for growth.