Late Diagnosis & Self-Compassion, Rethinking your ADHD with Kate Moryoussef
Today's episode is all about navigating ADHD as a late-diagnosed adult—especially for women who have spent years pushing through life without realizing why things felt so much harder. I’m talking with Kate Moryoussef, a UK-based ADHD coach who was diagnosed at 40 and has since made it her mission to help women work with their brains, not against them. She hosts The ADHD Women’s Wellbeing Podcast and her upcoming book is The ADHD Women's Wellbeing Toolkit, where she dives deep into strategies for managing ADHD beyond just productivity hacks.
In this conversation, we get into the realities of late diagnosis, why ADHD in women is often overlooked, and how hormones can throw an extra curveball into the mix. Kate shares her personal journey of discovering ADHD through her daughter’s assessment, and we talk about how self-compassion, nervous system regulation, and finding the right support can make a huge difference. There’s a lot here about understanding ADHD as a whole-body experience—not just something that affects focus or productivity.
This is another one where I had the wrong mic set up, so apologizes for that.
William Curb: A great place for us to start. Might be talking about your ADHD diagnosis journey because you've got your diagnosis at 40, right? Yeah. I got mine in my 20s and it's very different to get that when you're not a kid. So what kind of led you to seeking this diagnosis?
Kate Moryoussef: So what seems to be quite a typical pattern for especially sort of midlife women that they was looking for their children and it was one of my, I've got four kids and it was my second eldest daughter that I had over the past years thought there was maybe like dyslexia going on or dyspraxia and there was just different things. And I was like, why can I still not get to the bottom of it? We should have lots of assessments and tests and nothing really came back conclusive.
And then it was the wonderful pandemic that was COVID that kind of ground me to a halt and recognise that I really needed to get her help. And it was through the really sort of going down rabbit holes for her that was like this mirror back to me, sort of this glaring mirror going, that's you, that's you, that's you. Because I'd always had suspicions that there was something like ADHD going on because my two brothers were diagnosed with ADHD when they were kids. And so ADHD for me was just like part of the family, but I only knew it and boys.
I did not know it in girls, even though my mum has got it, and now I can see lots of other family members have got it. I just didn't see it in myself because I was quiet and I was a, you know, a relatively sort of conscientious child and didn't want to cause a bother or anything like that. Whereas I had two brothers that were causing lots of challenges for my parents, I would say. So it was only through my daughter who I could really see in myself who was nine at the time.
And that's when I was like, Oh, I need to go and look at this because I had had lots of issues going on for me. But because I never really thought about it being anything apart from my personality, I just kind of got on with it. And it was difficult, I got on with it. And it was getting harder and harder, you know, 40, four kids, pandemic, starting a business, retraining, perimenopause was starting to sort of rear its head. And I was like, you know what, I need some help here. And I was so SO relieved when I got the diagnosis, because I kind of went right. Now I understand what it is, we can work with this, we can do something. Whereas before it was, I don't know about you, but my ADHD is very like, Well, why, why?
And I need answers. And if I don't get answers, I'm like, but what does that mean? And so I now have an answer. Unfortunately, the answer led to lots more questions and still does to be honest. But at least I have the foundations of understanding, you know, what's going on, which is neurodivergence, a different type of wiring and understanding my nervous system, my hormones, everything. And I've got kids with ADHD. And so, yeah, I now have gone down a whole new chapter of my life with ADHD, especially in my career as well.
William Curb: Yeah, I mean, it makes so much sense too, because we don't have a good foundation of what ADHD is outside of what we learn in pop culture, which really does only shine the light on the very hyperactive boy that's going crazy, or the zombie medicated kid, which is also, you know, incredibly inaccurate. I know so many people who like have this very similar story where they're like, Oh, yeah, either my kids or someone else in my family was diagnosed.
And I heard about what ADHD actually was for the first time. And oh, that's me. I also love what you're saying about how having that diagnosis, then means you can do something about it. Because, yeah, like, I know when I was undiagnosed, it was so much harder for me to do everything. I just assumed I was bad at doing things. So my solution was like, Oh, just try harder, which, you know, it rarely works for me.
Kate Moryoussef: It doesn't work for many people just to try harder, because it's like pushing upstream the whole time. It's literally going against the tide. And the only way we can try harder is if we do it in our authentic way, or if we do it in a way that works with our energy, our wiring, our mood, our hormones, like whatever that might be for you is how it gets better. But if you want to keep doing the same thing in a very neurotypical way, doing it in the way that we've kind of been conformed to believe is right, it's always going to present itself in a difficulty. But if we start to kind of, you know, for me, it was like, Oh, okay, so it's ADHD.
And understanding, you know, the executive functioning and the working memory and understanding how it presents in different ways. And when I can't do this or I struggle to do that, there's always an explanation. And there's always a workaround. Whereas before I understood about ADHD, I would just keep pushing harder and harder and doing the same thing and getting the same results. Insanity is when you just keep doing the same thing, go for an over and expect the same results or something. And so it kind of felt a little bit like that, where I was just going, Why is it not working? I'm just going to try it again and keep trying. And it's definitely going to work this time.
And now I know now I understand, you know, it's not changed my ADHD, it's not taken away. But it's given me an understanding and an acceptance. And also a much deeper level of self compassion. At the same time, I'm not I don't want people to think, Well, that you're sort of like in a victim mode, it's like, No, actually, it's amazing for self empowerment as well, taking self responsibility to grow and learn new mindsets and skills to develop in different ways. So I actually believe it's kind of like having a key sometimes to unlock a part of you that you didn't even know was there was kind of lying dormant, but you were just only working with one way of living.
Actually, there was a whole other way of living that we just didn't know because we didn't have the key for. So that's the kind of the way I work with clients, the way I my ADHD, you know, that's my mindset for it. I know it's not the same for lots of other people, and it presents very differently for lots of people. So I really want to validate that because I know ADHD brings really, really extreme challenges and difficulties and fluctuates at different times.
And I've seen that in family members, I've seen it in clients and friends. So I don't want to kind of say, Oh, it's fine. Once you get a key, and it's all fine, they'll just, you know, sail through life. That's not the case. But I think it allows you to see yourself in a different light that you might not have done. And that is kind of what I'm grateful for now.
William Curb: Yeah, the idea of empowerment is so important for ADHD, I feel, because especially with late diagnosis, because for so long, we feel like we are broken in some way. And having just this idea of, Oh, there is something I can do about this. For me, that was like one of the life changing moments of like, I didn't really consider that when I first got my diagnosis, but there was at one point where I was like, Oh, man, I'm feeling so lazy. And I'm like, I guess it's not really lazy.
It's just that my ADHD. And that's just like, Oh, it's not lazy. It's ADHD. I can do something about that. If there's this hurdle here, I can do something about that hurdle. And I still have to hit that everyone's well, where I'm like, walking around thinking of this problem, like, why is it so hard for me to get this work done? It's like, Oh, I remember the answer. It's the ADHD. Let's try reframe this and how to do this problem solving with ADHD in mind.
Kate Moryoussef: It's a crazy thing, the ADHD brain, in that we are so consumed by it, but we can forget about it. And then it hits us, like, you know, across the head again, and we're like, Oh, okay, I get it with RSD. Like you think I should really know what RSD feels like and looks like. And it's kind of, I should be able to recognize when it's about to hit me. But sometimes it's there. And I've not seen it's RSD until, you know, an hour later or a day later. So we still are living in this space of the ADHD, it can derail us.
And it doesn't matter how much you know about it, because we can be blindsided by it. And again, it is that level of compassion that we have to give ourselves that when we get overwhelmed, or when we become reactive, or when we are so exhausted and burnt out, we can't speak or anything like that. I used to go into sort of self judgment mode. And now I just about I'm now able to catch myself and go, Okay, the reason why you are in that state that you're in is there's this reason and there's that reason, you know, whether it's sort of, I've been working all day, and I've just been go, go, go. And then I finally stopped, you know, out this hyper focus mode.
And now my nervous system is like feeling really sort of on edge and agitated. And that's why I'm more maybe likely to flare up or become reactive, or just need to be left alone and just have to go on a walk on my own or go and have a bath on my own. And I feel that the more we understand ADHD, and I really do believe it's ourself, our responsibility to psycho educate ourselves, because we live with people. And we can't just be it's our ADHD, it's our ADHD, like we can't, we have to take responsibility and say, Okay, I now know what's going on.
And yes, I need kindness and support and compassion from other people. But we're all humans, you know, trying to have relationships and look after other people and pay other people or work with other people or whatever that might be. And there is a level of responsibility, I believe that we must take to educate ourselves and do the work and help ourselves in whatever capacity that is, whether it's listening to the podcast, reading books, getting therapy, you're having coaching, seeking out, you know, nutritional help, whatever that is.
So we can thrive for ourselves, but also thrive for other people around us. Because I've seen the other way I've seen how it all can go very downhill, where we don't take that responsibility. And, you know, life is very difficult. So I do believe I think sometimes a lot of people need a bit of a leg up, they might need that support, you know, straight after a diagnosis with a therapist and a coach to get them to that place, medication.
But we have to make a choice as adults to say, you know, I want to live a better life, I want to live a healthier life, I want to live a calmer, more regulated life. And I know that with many of us who have been diagnosed later on in life, we'll look at generations in our family and see how ADHD is rid its head. Most of the time in a negative way, you know, there might be great examples. But unfortunately, the majority I see is sort of maybe in like a negative way.
It's presented itself because it's been undiagnosed. So I wonder if we can be this next generation of changing the tide a little bit and saying, yes, I'm neurodivergent, yes, I've got ADHD, yes, I've got autism, but I'm actually going to make this work for me now. I'm going to get the help, I'm going to do the work, I'm going to learn about myself and my brain and learn how we can live more authentically and live in a way that is really healthy and good for me, but also for those around me as well. It's a positive step forwards.
William Curb: Yeah, I mean, working with how our brains work, just that makes so much sense because what other option do we have? We can't just constantly fight our brain and think we're going to win.
Kate Moryoussef: Exactly.
William Curb: It's so many of us have fallen down that rabbit hole of self-flagellation and trying to beat us ourselves up over ADHD. And I don't know anyone that has actually been successful for it. It might get them to do the dishes one time, but in the long run, it's just this really bad system that people hate themselves for who they are and it makes no progress. And so working with your brain instead, trying to be like, okay, this is hard and I cannot do this how a neurotypical person would do it, but, how can I do this? Because I know I can do hard things.
Kate Moryoussef: Yeah, and it is, it's a mindset, it's a growth mindset and it's picking yourself up even when it feels really, really hard. It's a decision, I would say, it's a choice to change the narrative in your brain to ask, okay, like, what else can I do here?
How can I help myself in this situation? You know, instead of that negative, that self-talk, that criticism that can lead us down, you know, a very dark rabbit hole. And I'm not saying you can do this on your own. Like, if you need help to do this, it's really important to say, right, I need someone to help me. I need a friend, a partner, a coach, a therapist, I need medication, I need a doctor to be able to help me get on this path because to change your mindset completely in your own is very difficult.
And I'm the first one to say, you know, for me, for the past nearly five years of being diagnosed, I've had coaching, therapy, lots of different modalities, you know, a lot of self-development work, it's not just happened by me clicking my fingers and reading a few books. I personally have kids and for me, I want to change the tide a little bit and I want try and model to them that life isn't perfect at all.
But if we can keep reaching for growth and for healing and that inner work, then we will get to places like it's not about being a perfect human and never reacting and never like getting overwhelmed or shouting or anything like that. But it is about making the decision to be like, am I going to get stuck in this mode? Or am I going to choose to find resources, find ways out of here so we can live a better life? And that better life is not, again, that can be very, very kind of subjective.
It can be what anyone feels like. The better life could just be, I just want to be able to walk my dog in the afternoon. I just want to be able to go to bed earlier. I want to, you know, be off my phone more. You know, all these little things, it can just be whatever is good for you that you know that it's going to just help a little bit turn the ship around a little bit.
William Curb: Yeah, because it doesn't take doing everything differently in your life, just a few steps here and there and it can make a big difference.
Kate Moryoussef: Yeah. And I think people get so overwhelmed with, well, everything's wrong. You know, houses are tight, my relationships are terrible. I hate my job. I'm this, I'm that, I'm unhealthy. I can't, you know, make myself proper food. And then all of a sudden, you know, especially with ADHD, it's very much like a global, you know, all-or-nothing thinking of everything's terrible, and it's all too much for me to even deal with. But when we can break it down, and we can have, you know, a bit of space and a bit of time.
And again, I come back to coaching for this because I think coaching is an amazing, amazing modality to have that space to be able to reflect and gain perspective and also to allow yourself to be introspective without it being going down a tunnel of despair. You're able to have that time where you can say, well, you know, normally I go down, you know, I think about this when my mindset goes here, but maybe I could choose something different, or maybe there's an option, there's other options.
But in this very fast-paced life we all live in, with most of us, myself included, on a phone, you know, ingesting information, you know, constantly, there's just social media bombarding, you know, emails, this, that. And then all of a sudden, you get to the end of another day, and you're just drained and exhausted, and the thought of changing anything is just too overwhelming. So when you can make space once a week, or once every day, I'm going to sit and I'm just going to journal, I'm just going to see what comes out and just externalize, just the externalizing itself will be very helpful. I do believe that there's always a way.
I read a book years and years ago by Marie Forleo, and her book was Everything's Figure Outable, and she's got ADHD herself. And it was this motto of, we can always figure this out, like there is always going to be some way of figuring this out. And that mantra is kind of stuck in me. And, you know, when I have one of my kids having a moment, and they are, you know, having a bit of a meltdown and thinking like the world's coming to an end. And I try and kind of pass that mantra onto them of like, we can figure this out, like we can do this, it is going to be figure outable, and we can do this together.
And I really do believe that someone with ADHD, when you bounce off that, you know, someone that you could just be one friend, one partner, one family member, if you have that support system, it always feels easier. And I know that's not easy for everybody, but if you can just find that one person that you know, when you're having that bad time, that bad day, that you can say to them, you know, can I just externalize? Can I just thrash something out with you? I do feel like it always makes things better.
William Curb: Yeah. And I think that's one of the values of saying it's like online communities where you can find, especially like like-minded people with ADHD and stuff that are like, yeah, I've gone through something similar. Yeah, I get that this feels impossible in this moment. But there is another side that you can get to. It's like, yeah, you don't need someone to be like, this is going to be easy. No, this is going to be hard, but we can do hard things and we can get through this.
Kate Moryoussef: I think it's just a really good reminder, isn't it? Because again, you know, speaking personally, there's certain people in my life that has just been, it's just everything's been doom and gloom. Everything's been difficult and negative. If you've had that programming, we have to almost get to a point where we're like, I want to un-program myself, like wipe the programming and then start reprogramming with new beliefs and new ways of thinking and mindsets. And you're going to think, oh I'm in my 40s, like how's that possible?
But I promise you, it is possible. And it all comes down to self-awareness. It comes down to that awareness of, I don't want to be that person that is always in this doom-mongering kind of like negative spiral. What if there was another solution? Like what if there was a new way of thinking or being or living? Like what if the way I've been living my whole life, according to, you know, other societal sort of conformities or conditioning or anything like that?
What if that isn't right for me, you know, stepping out of that and making different choices? And again, it comes to sort of like making a bit of space because when we're in that rat race and we're in it and we're doing, doing, doing, not just having a moment to breathe. That's when we can say, okay, I'm ready for change. I'm ready to do something different.
And that might just be hanging out with different people or not hanging out with the same people or changing up something or saying no more or creating different boundaries. That's why I kind of said there's always a way there's always something, even if we kind of go down that, that kind of all or nothing thinking of like nothing's going to work. So yeah, going back to the very, very beginning, it is very empowering to get diagnosis. And if you can't get a diagnosis, at least have an awareness, at least be like, you know what, I kind of know what's going on here.
Because in England, I don't know what it's like where you are. But you know, the waiting lists are huge, really, really long. And a lot of people can't afford very expensive diagnoses. So there's a lot of people who are not, you know, officially diagnosed, but know for sure that they're neurodivergent. And I always say, you don't have to have that validation from a doctor if you know there's something, you know, different going on with your wiring, like you kind of know that for sure, there is a neurodivergence, a different way of thinking going on, you are allowed to still ask for help.
And you are still allowed to find support and change your life and put those boundaries up. Because a lot of people think that unless they have that official diagnosis, well, I'm just going to carry on the same. And they wait four years and they get the diagnosis and they go right now is the time for my life to change.
But if anyone's listening to this now, and they're thinking, but I'm waiting and I don't know what to do and this and that, and I do truly believe that we can always take an empowered step forward, like one empowered small action just to start the motions, you know, in place. So yeah, I think it's, I think it's important for people to know that because very often no one says to them, you are still allowed to go and get help without having that official diagnosis.
William Curb: Yeah. And, you know, some days I'm like, what if I don't have ADHD? What if I, you know, like, I've just tricked all the doctors somehow and I don't have ADHD. And I'm like, it would still be worth doing all these things because they are helpful for me. Even if it turns out, you know, it's like, Oh, it wasn't ADHD or something completely different, but I am still doing things that are helping me every day. And I'm like, well, they get that still makes it worth doing.
Kate Moryoussef: Yeah, 100%. I've got a book coming out. I'll name drop. It's the ADHD Women's Welcoming Toolkit. And you don't have to have ADHD to gain insights from the book. You don't have to specifically have ADHD, but you could relate to a lot of the traits, or you could be waiting for an assessment and a diagnosis and be looking for holistic lifestyle tools and, you know, help and practices that you can do right now today.
It doesn't matter if you don't have that official diagnosis, because lifestyle, well-being, tweaks and changes that are going to help with your mood, energy, sleep, hormonal balance, relationships, your, you know, cultivating more inner joy and fulfillment, anything like that. It's only going to be a positive thing for you, but also your family as well. Whoever you live with, you know, whatever that may look like, we are this sort of ecosystem.
And we're never just like a lone person, because we impact other people and other things. So if we look after ourselves, we're then influencing the energy and the mood and the regulation of the house. And I always truly believe that when we do that work ourselves, when we work on ourselves, it always has a good, you know, positive impact on the people around us as well in different capacities. So yeah, it's kind of like an no-brainer really.
William Curb: A lot of your focus is on women's ADHD. Do you think you could speak a little bit on the some of the unique challenges that women face with ADHD?
Kate Moryoussef: Yeah. So women, for sure, we have hormonal challenges. And many of us, way before we've had the diagnosis or the understanding of ADHD, will have presented in different ways or, you know, women's health conditions and hormonal issues and maybe had trouble with our cycle. We may have related to things like PMDD, which is a very severe form of PMS. We may have things like endometriosis that has been diagnosed. We may just have really suffered hormonally and never been given the reason why.
And what we do know is that we still don't know the exact reasoning and there's still a lot more research that needs to be done. But we do know there's a very distinct interplay between hormones and our mental health, the way our ADHD shows up. And when we can balance our hormones, we notice our ADHD symptoms and traits aren't as extreme.
So for women, as we sort of get closer to our period, so towards the last sort of 10 days of our cycle, we are going to feel more sensitive, lower mood, you know, anxiety, irritable, all things like that, not such great sleep. And that in itself is going to impact our ADHD. But we're also noticing that, you know, women with ADHD are suffering a lot more with anxiety, mood challenges, depression. And so much of it is because there's a lot of our ADHD is internalized, it's like internalized restlessness.
So you might not see us running around and bouncing around. Sometimes you can, for sure, it could present 100% like that. But a lot of the time with women, it's very much internalized. So there will be, you know, we will relate to things like OCD and anxiety, and overthinking and catastrophization, and our brain just never wants to stop. So I think ADHD, this common traits across the sexes, the genders, but I think there's certain ways ADHD really does show up more specifically in women.
And I do believe they are hormone related, but also seeing things like more autoimmune conditions in neurodivergent women, we're seeing women who really can relate to lots of gut problems. So there's a big new emerging conversation starting with the whole brain body. And it's not just the brain. And I talk a huge amount about the nervous system as well, because our nervous system dictates all of this as well. So if we have got a very heightened nervous system, dysregulated nervous system, that's going to impact our hormones, and it's going to impact our health, pain, fatigue, things like that.
So even though we're not quite sure, like, which one do we treat first, like, where's the best place to go, to have an understanding of the bigger picture. And again, you know, I've had people on my podcast who are like eminent doctors and psychiatrists and researchers who are kind of in the throes of gaining more evidence, but there's not enough research to say conclusively that this is exactly why ADHD presents like this, or why more women are suffering from hypermobility or autoimmune conditions.
So we're very behind on women's research and women's health research. And that has been a systemic long term thing that most medical research has been done on men because they don't have fluctuating hormones, which mess up that mess up medical research apparently, but that in itself is not a reason for women to have been so underserved medically.
So there's a lot of catching up to do. You know, even when I started five years ago on this journey, where I started the podcast three years ago, it was only I remember saying, I want to have a conversation with somebody about hormones and ADHD. I want to talk to somebody who understands about perimedempolis and ADHD. And I was literally having to find like, I think it was about five people in the world who could, from a very sort of authoritative way, talk about this because they were a medic and they understood it.
Literally five people, which is ridiculous in, you know, a world that ADHD has been around very in popular culture since sort of what the late 70s we've known about, you know, ADHD in boys and men for sure. So back in 2021, I started the podcast, that was when I was literally kind of clutching at straws going, someone please tell me what's going on with perimenopause and ADHD and hormones and ADHD. And I spoke to an amazing woman called Jeanette Wastestein, who at the time was the only person who could really tell me about this.
And things have kind of thankfully moved on in three or four years, but still, you know, not fast enough, we do need more answers. And we need more doctors, and we need for the medical system from the people who are doing the research, it needs to be rippling down much faster. And the data needs to be there to the the gatekeepers, you know, in England, we call them GPs, you know, the physicians that people are going to your family doctors, who can say, Oh, I understand your daughter has ADHD because she's presenting with a with an eating disorder and anxiety. And she has PMDD.
And instead of just prescribing her with lots of different medication, of being able to understand why she's sensitive to hormones, why she's struggling with anxiety, why she's more prone to a disordered eating. And the doctors being able to say she needs an assessment for ADHD, because that is what, you know, especially things like friendship groups and difficulty with academia, and we're pulling all these dots together.
We need people on the ground to be able to be diagnosing and assessing faster and better, which will to be very blunt save lives. Because we also know that suicide is, you know, much more prevalent in the neurodivergent community as well. And it comes down to that, to have more knowledge, more awareness, more education saves lives, especially in the neuro divergent community.
William Curb: Also putting in here the all the like societal expectations that women have to that are different than men, we're adding that on top of all these physical differences is makes it like, yeah, there are a lot of challenges there, because there are certain expectations I know I don't have, even though I do a lot of stuff in the house for my kids, I know that, you know, like, people aren't expecting me to do it. And so if I didn't, I could get away with it, but I don't want to.
But yeah, it's something that's just as important as keeping in mind that you have ADHD is that you have all these differences too that need to be accounted for. Because I feel like that's another like empowering thing to be like, yeah, this is not just this one thing that I'm dealing with, you know, like maybe I am dealing with these other things like hyper-mobility or something else that is also having a big impact and not knowing about it doesn't help.
Kate Moryoussef: It's not easy. And I think, you know, what you touched on with from the societal perspective for women, you know, if we're talking about very kind of traditional roles, I would say, you know, that is still very prevalent, that ADHD women, moms really do struggle because we're holding at families. We are probably working in some capacity. We're probably looking after family members. We probably are trying to do lots of other things because we like to have our fingers in different pies.
We're probably burnt out, we're probably exhausted. We're probably people pleasers. We are probably perfectionists in some capacity. And we're putting huge expectations on ourselves to do better and be better and show it better and be better friends. And at the same time, we're crumbling and we're overwhelmed. I know you don't have to be neurodivergent to feel this, but I think to know when you are neurodivergent to feel why it feels so heavy and so difficult.
And sometimes it feels so hard to move past it or so hard to cope. Whereas other people can just about cope, just about do all of this. But then para menopause comes and it's kind of like a bit of a tidal wave that just comes and crashes. And all of a sudden the energy that you had that could just see it through, you might be able to sleep five or six hours a night, four nights a week.
All of a sudden that's not working for you anymore. Your adrenals are sky high, you are low in mood, you're irritable, you're cranky, you're anxious. And so much of this is out of our control with our hormones. I always say it's kind of like trying to drive a car with literally no petrol in the tank. And you're revving the engine and you're revving the engine and you're kind of like querying like why is the car not moving?
Why does it keep conking out? Or we then kind of replenish it with a little bit and think when then we expect it to keep going and going and going. So there's an expectation that we need to drop from ourselves and start recognizing, okay, something has to change. But as women, we don't like to let people down.
We don't like to say no, we don't want people to think bad of us. All of these different things. And I think for women, it's not clear cut because we want to make change. We want to do the things that are good for us, but we're going to let people down or we're going to upset people or we're not going to be able to do the things that we want to do. So it's definitely not as binary, I would say, as like say no, do this, put your boundaries, stop going out.
It has to be done slowly and it has to be done kind of with ease and compassion. And so again, we're not like on nervous systems, not kind of like jarred by all this fear, this worried fear of upsetting people and letting people down. I'm in this myself. So I kind of say this to other people who are listening and kind of think, I say this because I understand it and I understand how difficult it can be in different capacities, but it's not a reason not to keep trying.
William Curb: Yeah. And yeah, it was so funny when you were facing things like, yeah, you just need to make more time for self-care. And it's like, when do you want me to do this? I'm going to have to cut something out of my life to do that. And that's a hard balancing act if you're doing kids and kids take so much time with all the school lunches and getting to school and getting bed times and all of those things. And you're just like, and closed. And so then you're like, yeah, I can't, that's a part of my life. I can't just put on hold. And so everything's figure it out of bowl.
But you also need to ask for help when you can't just do it yourself. Again, I'm not saying just ask for help. It's a hard thing to do because I know I personally have a lot of trouble asking for help on things. And then I'm so grateful when I do because it's amazing when I'm like, oh, I didn't have to do that. I could just go and ask this person and they're like, yeah, I can totally help you do that thing. And it's like, oh, why was I struggling with this for such a long time? Okay.
Kate Moryoussef: Yeah.
William Curb: So I was wondering if there was any other thoughts you wanted to leave the audience with before we go?
Kate Moryoussef: Just to go easy on yourself. Again, I'm going to speak from my perspective, but we might want to change everything. We might want to do everything. We might want to achieve this and be like super productive and do all the things and have all the ideas. But it's also okay to just not do it as well. Just kind of be like, you know what, today I've done enough or this week I've done enough or I'm doing enough.
I am enough. And we might need to remind ourselves that even though we might feel like we're behind other people are ahead of us, or we feel like maybe we've not had a productive day or we've not been able to crack on with all the things that we wanted to, but that doesn't have an impact on who we are as a person. And I think we can very often equate ourselves to what we achieve and what we produce and what a house looks like or what we've made for dinner that night. Good mum, if I've done this, I'm not a good mum if I've not done that. Or the house is a mess, or the kids are eating pizza again, like all these different things.
And it's not a reflection on you. And to maybe cut yourself some slack, because I used to think that if I didn't do all the things, I was not a good person, or I wasn't being a good mum. And now I recognize that if I'm just there present with my kids, I'm present and I'm hopefully showing them that I love them and I want to be with them and they're safe and things are good, then it doesn't matter if they're having pizza.
And it doesn't matter if the couch is full of washing or whatever that is. So yeah, I think my parting words would be to just go easy on yourself and you're doing the best you can. Every day, we can make those small, small tweaks to even if it's just that internal dialogue, even if it is, you can just wake up every single morning and just say, you're doing the best you can. You are enough. No matter what you're enough, because that for me, that really does help for me.
William Curb: And if people want to find out more about your podcast and everything else that you do, where should they go?
Kate Moryoussef: The podcast is the ADHD Women's Well-Being podcast. They can head there. They can look for it. And my website is ADHDWomensWellBeing.co.uk. The book, so there's a whole theme, ADHD Women's Well-Being Toolkit. And I've got lots of workshops on demand, live ones as well. There's lots going on. If you just kind of head to my website, you should be able to find everything there. The book is going to be out in bookstores in July, but hopefully it'll be available to order right now.
And yeah, you can just pre-order it and it will hopefully land on your doorstep in July. And I hope that it is a really powerful toolkit for every day, sort of wellbeing alongside your ADHD and to really help you reach that potential that I know everyone has, but sometimes ADHD blocks it a little bit. So with a bit of awareness, we can kind of, I always see it as like, we can just climb over it. We can see it's there, but we just climb over it with different kind of scaffolding and tools. So I hope that's what the book brings. But thank you for having me, William.
William Curb: Thank you. It's a great conversation. I think people will get a lot out of it.
Kate Moryoussef: I hope so. Thank you.
This Episode's Top Tips
Especially for women, work on understanding the role of hormones. ADHD symptoms can intensify during certain phases of the menstrual cycle or perimenopause, and awareness of these fluctuations can help with better self-regulation. And, hey, ADHD men, you also have hormones that can fluctuate.
Instead of constantly pushing yourself to meet neurotypical expectations, recognizing that ADHD comes with different needs can be a game-changer. Avoid forcing yourself into rigid productivity schedules, and try to recognize your natural rhythms to make work and life feel easier.
Finding ADHD-friendly ways to approach tasks (instead of just trying to "be more disciplined") leads to better long-term success. You don’t have to overhaul your entire life—focusing on little shifts, like setting boundaries or adjusting your expectations, can create lasting improvements.